If affair, cheating, infidelity, unfaithful husband or unfaithful wife has ever affected your relationship than do read what Sex Therapist says about cheating.
YOU WILL FIND HERE
[1] DEFINITION What exactly do you mean by infidelity?
[2] Socratic Method – Serious Questions
[3]BEHAVIORAL PHSYIOLOGY
How do cheating husbands react when suspicion arises?
[4]TRAUMA OF HEART BREAK
What can happen to the one who feels cheated?
[5] HOW PREVALENT IS CHEATING / EXTRA MARITAL AFFAIR?
How common is ‘cheating by husbands’?
[6] ANATOMY OF INFIDELITY
Why do husbands/wives cheat?
Biology – The Law of Attraction
[7]HOW TO FIND CHEATING BY HUSBAND / WIFE?
Detective Techniques: You do not have to be Sherlock Holmes.
[8] TREATMENT
What next? Rehabilitation. How to deal with a situation when your partner is being unfaithful to you?
Note: If a MAN is cheating, the accomplice, WOMAN is also being unfaithful to her spouse.
Corollary: Cheating husband almost always means cheating wives (unless the husband visits prostitutes)
[9] JOKE You heard this before
Once a wife asked out of suspicion to her husband, “Why are you meeting this woman?” He replied, “I am going for a business meeting.”
Wife rebuked, “For whose business, her business (prostitute) or yours?”
What is infidelity?
Let me define what I am talking about.
[1] Definition:
Falling in love (romantically involved) with someone other than your married partner is called infidelity. Note: Even if there is no sex, ‘romantic involvement’ is an affair.
The sarcastic definition I like is, “Right things done by the wrong people.”
You are not reading a novel, so I will use the
[2]
Socratic method of Questioning – Asking
Fundamental Questions.
Why use the words ‘cheating’ or ‘unfaithful’? Why condemn ‘love’?
Why being good friends (having an affair) is called ‘cheating’? I have not done anything bad.
- Why is having Extra Marital Affair termed as being Unfaithful?
- Why falling in love (with someone other than married partner) be called ‘cheating’?
- Is it a crime?
[3] Behavioral Physiology of Cheating
How does the person who is cheating (husband or wife) react?
Denial Response
Initial defense is, “You have stupid suspicion.” “It is not at all like that.”
Then, “You are jealous.”, “You are an insecure person”.
“There is nothing between us.”Then some covering up Rationalization
“S/he is just a good friend/ a colleague/ working partner/someone who has helped a lot/ a relative.
Tricky Logic
More so, when I manage home, carry out responsibilities. Add to this, “I take care of you, of child. I have done so much for our family. I manage so many things. For whom do I do all this? For you, for us. I have not deprived you of clothes, trips, this and that, (material things).
Rationalization and Denial
A typical response is, “There is nothing between us. We are not sexually involved. We just happened to meet.” Or S/he is friend/Colleague so we happen to meet more often? You are suspecting in vain. There is nothing between us.
Euphemism
From beginning to end, however, the phrase used is, ‘good friend’, which is an euphemism. Other phrase is ‘colleague’ with whom one has to have repeated meetings (Its about ‘work’, you know.)
‘Good friend’ is an euphemism, just as the phrase ‘passed away’, ‘is no more’, ‘left for heavenly abode’ is used to convey the tragic incidence ‘death’.
Some times the justification is so powerful that the people involved in romantic affair do not think they are doing any thing wrong. “I like her. She likes me. I am not hurting anyone. S/he is special friend.”
Not my fault
Towards the end comes, I did not start it. It happened. Not my fault.
Exasperated
What do you want me to do? Stop talking? Change my job?
[4] Affair – Stabbing in Heart
Finding that your wife or husband (girlfriend or boy friend) with whom you have committed relationship is being unfaithful, is cheating you is one of the worst experiences of life. It is not uncommon.
Cheating by wife or husband can enrage or devastate and is a reason for murder or suicide or serious chronic illnesses. For most people, it appears as a justifiable reaction to infidelity [b]. Real numbers of such catastrophe is much more than the officially reported statistics. Yet such extreme steps are tip of the ice berg compared to the number of people living with emotional trauma. This heart break does not have quick fix treatment as is heart attack has, like by pass surgery or angioplasty. The hurt due to breach of trust and resulting depression can be intense.
[5] How common is cheating or Extra Marital Affair? [b]
No one would be surprised if I tell that the actual number of infidelity or extramarital affairs is in multiples of what gets noticed or reported. Only few affairs or cheating by husbands or wives come to light.
Do you know
that the number of people who do not even suspect what is going on behind them is more than the number of people who sense cheating. There are so many blissfully unaware wives/husbands who can vouch that he/she is best spouse. This is so because they themselves are clean and naive. Besides the smart cheaters cover up/compensate well so that there is no suspicion.
[7] Evidence
How to find your husband is cheating? How to find your wife is cheating?
This is important, intricate and calls for separate chapter.
It is difficult to prove, easy to know. In the heart break suffered due to cheating husband, blood is not spilled, but life goes Topsy Turvy. It is not a matter that can be publicly disclosed, told to parents, in-laws, or children. If you are lucky you may disclose this private tragedy to good friend(s). Circumstantial evidences and experienced Counselor will not have difficulty identifying this issue. If you are lucky you may meet a Counselor who will not only tell you the diagnostic symptoms, the method of getting clinching evidence, but also guide you through, “What next?”. This is the only place where sanity is likely to be restored, because life continues.
[8] How to deal with cheating husband? Is divorce necessary? Hold on!
[9]JOKE
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