my-doctor-tells-quotes-famous-funny

Hey Man! I just got license to kill. _ _ _

_ _ _ doctor

1. I am dying from the treatment of too many physicians.
   Alexander The Great
2. Before undergoing a surgical operation, arrange your temporal affairs. You may live.
   Ambrose Bierce




Doctors Charlatans or Magicians

Some doctors can abet and aggravate illness just as other Doctors by their mere presence can aid healing, expedite recovery.

3. “The uterus is often extirpated (removed) for no apparent reason except the undying fondness of some men for notoriety or money.”
   Ibid
4. “Prostatectomy it seems is another fad. Let us hope that the interest shown in the prostate may result in giving a much needed rest to the appendix and the kidney.”
   Ibid
5. “Disease is cured by the body itself, not by doctors or remedies.”
   John Harvey Kellogg,




Doctors Clinical Diagnosis

Doctors are pivotal in arriving at sound clinical diagnosis. Such clinicians spare troubled patients and their stressed out relatives battering of battery of investigations that are not important, often unnecessary, and invariably expensive.

6. “He is the best physician who knows the worthlessness of his own medicine.”
   PROFESSOR W. M. OSLER,
   Professor of Medicine, Oxford University
7. “I am part of a profession that is systematically lying to people.” Dr Mark Donohoe
8. “Nature is the curer of disease.”
   Hippocrates, (the father of medicine)
9. “Time was when ovaries were removed by the peck of all sorts of nervous disturbances which had no more to do with the condition of the ovaries than with the changes of the moon… But these organs are still subjected to certain operative procedures for pathological conditions which exist only in the mind of the operator.”
   Dr. Barnesby




Doctor is Medicine

Doctors themselves act as therapeutic tool facilitating healing as powerfully as medicines do.

10. “Before he [Louis Pasteur - the 'father of modern medicine' and originator of the Germ Theory of disease] died, he changed his mind. He ended up saying it’s not the germ, but the conditions within the body…” Natural Health Lecturer: Ian Sinclair
11. “Nature alone can cure disease. Doctors cannot heal. They can only direct the sufferer back to the pathways of health. Nature alone can create, and healing is re-creation.” Dr. William S. Sadler




Who is a Doctor

Doctors with charisma and rapport heal when the heart is soaked with kindness, concern and courtesy. Patients and their care takers, the kith and kin, get connected with such a Doctor. Know this to be the Doctor.

12. “Medicine is a great humbug:- doctors are merely quacks when they are not charlatans.” Dr. Magendie (The great French physician)
    
13. “We doctors have been talking this medicine stuff into the people till they believe it.” Dr. Schweningen (Physician to the late Prince Bismark)
14. “When the AIDS epidemic started… antibodies, instead of meaning protection, meant that you were doomed. So this concept of antibodies that we were taught is wrong…”
    Dr Archie Kalokerinos
15. “Vaccines are a billion dollar industry, and there are at least a billion good reasons there why it’s continued.”
    Dr Peter Baratosy




Who is not a doctor

White apron, designation, tail of medical degrees does not make a doctor. Colleagues and students recognize such a doctor. They can smell showmen in the guise of doctors who are rascals in white gown. These doctors augment, even cause dis – ease for the patient, and the family, the care givers.

16. “Unless the doctor of today becomes the dietitian of tomorrow, the dietitian of today will become the doctor of tomorrow.”
    Dr. ALEXIS CARROL. (Famous Biological Scientist and head of the Rockefeller Institute.)
17. “A patient cured, is a customer lost.” Unknown
18. “A total world population of 250-300 million people, a 95% decline from present levels, would be ideal.”
    Ted Turner, in an interview with Audubon magazine
    
19. “If I were reincarnated I would wish to be returned to earth as a killer virus to lower human population levels.”
    Prince Philip of Great Britain, leader of World Wildlife Fund




Doctor – the pillar of strength

Doctors can be strong pillars of faith, matchless stress relievers for the relatives as well as the sick. Such Doctor’s who were placed next to God are listed as an endangered species. Hold them with both your hands so that they do not become extinct.

20. God heals and the doctor takes the fee. Benjamin Franklin

21. The doctor looked at my cardiogram and made that “hmmmm” noise that doctors are taught in medical school so they won’t come right out and say “UH-oh!”
    Dave Barry (Dave Barry Talks Back)




How do I know if my Doctor is a healer

Doctor is healer at heart. Let us get to know this breed of doctors by remembering what the adorable Clinicians of yore say about medical finesse in their own inspiring words. Indeed reading this is compulsory not only for doctors, but for patients and their relatives too. to know whether the person in white apron is a ruthless business man, a blood sucking leech, a doctor for namesake or a healer.

22. RULES CAN KILL
    In my experience, if you go to a hospital for any reason whatsoever, including to read the gas meter, they give you a tetanus shot.
    Dave Barry(Dave Barry is from Mars and Venus)
23. I feel that nasal spray is a wondrous medical achievement, because it is supposed to relieve nasal congestion, and by gadfrey, it relieves nasal congestion. What I’m saying is that it actually works, which is something you can say about very few other aspects of the medical establishment. Dave Barry (Dave Barry’s Greatest Hits)

24. The best doctor is the one you run to and can’t find. Denis Diderot

Source:
1
http://www.itwillpass.com/quotes_doctors_quotes.shtml
2

http://www.workinghumor.com/quotes/medicine.shtml