premarriage-meetings

The romantic love that permeates between the boy and the girl is verily foundation for the entire edifice of married life.
When a proposal of a mtrimonial alliance between the boy and the girl turns into ‘Yes’,
some most parents hasten to get them formally engaged and married.
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DON’T HURRY TO MARRY. THUS YOU DON’T HAVE TO FEEL SORRY OR TO WORRY LATER IN LIFE.
How much should be the gap between engagement and marriage?

Let there be a gap of not less than 6 months between engagement and marriage, even if it is love marriage.
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Why should they meet often before marriage?
TO FAMILIARIZE To know each other better as well as to intimately know each others family members.

The boy and the girl thus gather first hand knowledge about one another and about their family members.

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TO DISCOVER Given such an opportunity both can let their instincts (of judgment) be at work. Thus, they discover their quirks, likes, dislikes, prejudices, personality traits, mannerisms and lifestyle. EACH WORD IS IMPORTANT. You then know what you are in for, thus you can be mentally prepared for the anticipated changes.  Reconnaissance is a word frequently used by military for such preparatory minute observations. The fear parents have is not of meeting before marriage, but mating before marriage.
Parents who thus guard, are guardians.

Especially the girl’s parents.

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TO BE WELL PREPARED You get time to learn things that may be considered important prerequisite by the boy’s family members. Example, she has Masters in Business Administration and is currently Chief Manager of HRD of a company. The family members consider ‘knowing to cook well’ as important, more so because they are likely to settle abroad.
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TO KICK OUT UNDESIRABLE HABITS Similarly, if the girl considers smoking and booze obnoxious, intolerable, then this time before marriage is the best time to effectively take corrective steps to quit smoking and drinking. At this juncture before marriage the boy as well as the girl has youth, courage, willingness more important romantic love to learn whatever that may be necessary.
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MEETINGS BEFORE MARRIAGE HELP BUILD STRONG FOUNDATION FOR LONG LASTING MARRIED LIFE.
IT STRENGTHENS MUTUAL BONDING, THAT ENABLES BETTER ADJUSTMENTS WHILE FACING DIFFICULTIES THAT ARE INEVITABLE OR DEALING WITH TRAITS THAT ARE HEARTILY DISLIKED. IN THIS WAY PREMARRIAGE MEETINGS GENERATE THE NOBLEST QUALITY OF SACRIFICE FOR EACH SINCE IT IS FOUNDED ON UNDERSTANDING, TRUST, CARE, CONCERN AND LOVE.

(Read or hear the short story “The Gift of The Maggi” by O. Henry)
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TO ENABLE SMOOTH TRANSITION The premarital anxiety
that is widely prevalent and gets dramatically reduced.
This time is for gelling in, it is enables smooth transition
from the unmarried state to the [highly responsible and difficult]
married state. Time together facilitates smooth harmonious living.
The romantic love that permeates them is verily foundation for the entire edifice of married life. It truly helps bonding.
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TO SAFEGUARD AGAINST TREACHERY If you have not had time to investigate the
particulars of qualification, salary, assets and liabilities as claimed by the boy,
the premarriage meetings allows you time to check about the boy’s background so that you do not get conned.

UNDERSTANDING THE TRADITIONAL ARRANGED MARRIAGE IN INDIAN ETHOS
In the traditional Indian marriage the always girl leaves her home
for good and goes to stay with the boy’s family.
The members of the family consist at least his parents and brothers and sisters.
It is the girl who has to spend her entire life with entirely different set of people, so knowing them before marriage is necessary.
What would happen if they do not meet frequently as you say?
It is seen that even after 3 years, 8 years, 13 years, 18 years or 23 years of marriage the daughter in law has to go through (most often) continuous torrent of unbearable stress, which is not uncommon, and usually manifests as illness. Where is the joy or harmony in relationships?
How would you sum up the reasons for premarriage meetings?
SUMMARY
By frequent visits to his home the girl (fiancee) comes to know the details of the personality traits of the people with whom she would be closely related for the rest of her life. Similarly, vice versa, the parents get to know the shades of boys/girls personality, abilities, his/her likes dislikes and thus decide what to expect from him/her. Knowing the expectations, likes and dislikes of these closest relatives of the boy help you decide the RELATIONSHIP SKILLS with which you ought to operate.
You come to know if you can and how much you can adjust.

Premarriage meetings enables an individual time for observation of human nature, their attitudes and beliefs.

Premarriage meetings, empowered with the deft use of Relationship Skills, paves way for happy, long lasting, healthy Family Life.

The author is a Marriage Counselor

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