RELATIONSHIP SKILLS FOR HER

He is Mama’s boy.

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He does not have brain of his own. Whatever Dad (could be Mom; yes most likely Mom, since Dad is also nodding his head) says he obeys. I detest the dominating attitude of my MIL mother in law. I am tired of trying to convince him how mil is wrong. She is just unfair. I am unhappy because of his over concern for his parents. I am second rate. I wonder whether he wants a wife or daughter in law for his mother.
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The conventional attitude of his parents (parents believe and show off to others that their attitude is liberal. Save me Oh God.) can be overbearing or frankly, irritating to the girl. (She feels) There is no room for her, no respect for her opinion, no freedom for her. She always has to have consent from his parents for everything, whether it is buying vegetables or buying a car, going to temple or picnic resort. (The consent required is not necessarily verbal, but more often implied, in other words not something that his parents would disapprove.)
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“Where are you?” she asks on the cell phone. “Is she spying on me. Am I a little girl who has to be escorted or who has to return home by 8 pm? I have been promoted from HRD to Sales in a multinational company and my salary is on par as his.

I love the boy. He is well meaning, but he does not know to assert.

Doctor, can you help me?”

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This boy can be any one. Let us suppose he is a IT professional who has been topper throughout the school and college. Now as a Software Engine-near he is more near algorithms and codes that computer understands, but is poor in gathering cues of human rhythms and is at a loss in designing argument strategy to win. In other words, he is not a dominating person. He is a good boy.

The picture above may appear black and white or extreme, but actually it is gray zone. In real life it is small incidents, little situations, remarks that appear insignificant, minor things that cause the most damage in relationships due to its cumulative effect.
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If you are a rebel and outspoken you remonstrate during courtship or soon after marriage, when you feel the heat and finally he acknowledges and begins to see (from your point of view or as you see) how his mom is wrong (or unfair), whereas you are right. You conveniently arrange ‘distance’ or ‘cut off’ point from mil. In doing this, rest of the in laws, like your sister in law (why does she have to poke her nose here?), too become villain.

Marriage that he imagined to be heaven becomes drudgery. He finds himself ‘sandwiched’ between his mother and his wife.

Does this sound familiar?

What’s the way out? or Is there a way out?
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