It is easy.

Biological attraction.
2

It is cheap.

Cheap in the sense the value (the high) they get out of it is worth the money spent. No expenses of betrothal.
3

Free of STD

and considered better than prostitution.

4

Others cannot do anything

about it

5

Extramarital affair is compulsive.

The taste of romance is almost addictive. It is like a drug. Once begun it too requires commitment of sort. There is fear of blackmailing.
6

The preconditioned notion of ‘no romance is possible’ with the existing partner.

7

The labor of revival or recreation of romance in existing married relationship is not easy.

8

Separation is aweful due to repurcussion on children

9

The partner is tolerant

and does not take strict action against it.

10

Some justification is always available

to rationalize the extramarital affair and point fault of the existing committed relationship

Why is Extra marital affair not in limelight or done furtively?

Extramarital affair is it looked down upon.

Most people regard extramarital affair as violation of marital trust and responsibility.
It is equated with unfaithfulness and cheating.
It is proscribed by religion.
It is looked down upon all over geographically and through out history as lesser than marriage.
Hence, if a powerful person like a king is in love then he has to marry the other girl, either because he is righteous and admits sex after marriage or because the girl or her guardian gets vow that the king can meet and mate only after marriage.
King Shantanu and Queen Satyavati, mother of Dhritarashtra, Pandu, and Vidur.

What alternates to marriage are experimented?
Several. Some of them are:
Live in relation.
Live out relation.

Definition of Betrothal:Main Entry: be·troth·al
Pronunciation: \-ˈtrō-thəl, -ˈtrȯ-, -thəl\
Function: noun
Date: 1831
1 : the act of betrothing or fact of being betrothed
2 : a mutual promise or contract for a future marriage

merriam-webster.coml

EMOTIONAL AFFAIR

Flirtatious e-mails. Cell phone heart-to-hearts. Perfectly harmless working lunches. It’s a new kind of adultery. There’s no sex, but psychiatrist Gail Saltz knows trouble when she sees it.

A client I’ll call Sharon knew that something was missing in her marriage. She and Robert used to be passionate about each other, she said, but after 12 years and two children, she felt removed. Robert never asked her about work or what she was worried about or felt like doing. She was no longer attracted to him, and they rarely spent time alone together. Instead, she threw her energy into raising the children and her job as a paralegal. Life had become bland.

Then there was Todd. He’d been at the law firm longer than Sharon and showed her the ropes. They would discuss complicated cases, and Sharon found his enthusiasm engaging. They’d grab coffee together, and soon coffee became lunch, and lunch led to phone calls and e-mails as their conversations went from professional to deeply personal.

Sharon thought about Todd all the time, and told me she hadn’t felt this alive since she and Robert had started dating. While she recognized a crush — her excitement about seeing him, her pleasure in his jokes, her relief in confiding in someone who got her — she told herself there was nothing wrong with what she was doing because they weren’t having sex.
Robert, however, started to notice his wife’s coming home later. She was on her cell phone a lot on the weekends, and when he asked who she was talking to, she became evasive. At one point, he complained that they never had sex anymore, that he felt lonely in the marriage, and that he wondered if there was someone else.

Sharon assured Robert — and herself — that she wasn’t having an affair. While she felt a little guilty, the thought of giving up Todd, the way he made her feel beautiful and funny and fantastic, was unbearable.

Emotional cheating (with an “office husband,” a chat room lover, or a newly appealing ex) steers clear of physical intimacy, but it does involve secrecy, deception, and therefore betrayal. People enmeshed in nonsexual affairs preserve their “deniability,” convincing themselves they don’t have to change anything. That’s where they’re wrong. If you think about it, it’s the breach of trust, more than the sex, that’s the most painful aspect of an affair and, I can tell you from my work as a psychiatrist, the most difficult to recover from.

Few people go looking for an extramarital entanglement. But like Sharon, they might hit a patch where their relationship isn’t fun anymore, and they feel isolated and frustrated. Rather than making a collaborative effort with their partner — and perhaps a couples therapist — to improve it, women in particular often accept that “this is just the way the marriage is.” So while they aren’t consciously in the market, they are ripe for an affair of the heart: hungry for attention, craving excitement, and eager for someone to fill the emptiness they feel inside.
Sharon came to depend on Todd for emotional highs. The flirting, the accolades, the sympathetic ear all made her feel special. She escaped into this new involvement in a scenario that’s increasingly common. Though emotional affairs have always been around, I’m seeing more of them among my clients than ever before. We’ve all grown so used to watching, reading, and hearing sexually suggestive material that there’s no longer an obvious verbal or physical line we think we’re crossing. And the exponential growth of e-mail, instant messaging, and cell phones gives us a wealth of private ways to connect. It’s a snap to Google an old flame: What would have been idle fantasy a decade ago can, with the click of a mouse, grow into emotional (or sexual) infidelity.We all know men and women who really are “just friends,” and there’s usually some romantic frisson, even if neither party admits it. But a healthy male-female friendship isn’t clandestine.

Once a man and woman avoid telling their partners how much time they’re spending on the friendship, make sure they look great anytime they’re going to be together, or confide more in each other, including marital dissatisfactions, than in their spouses, they’re involved in an emotional affair.

Often I’m told of a friendship that hasn’t gone that far … yet. But if the possibilities are tempting, I believe that’s the moment to look more closely at the marriage. What is each spouse missing that he or she needs? My prescription is for them to ask directly and answer frankly, because from everything I’ve seen, when a couple can’t express their feelings, concerns, and dreams, they’re both at risk for betrayal. I frequently talk to couples in this vulnerable state, not only about how to reclaim closeness but also how to protect their relationship from third parties. Even when a marriage can’t be salvaged, I’d rather see it end amicably before either person starts up with someone new.

Three habits strike me as playing with fire:
(1) flirting with others, which can become too intoxicating to give up,
(2) “innocently” spending time alone with old lovers, and
(3) hanging out with emotional cheaters who make what they’re doing seem like no big deal.

REMEDY

Making a collaborative effort with partner — and preferably a couples therapist.

Increasingly, I find people are already enmeshed in an affair of the heart by the time they contact me, and they are terribly torn. They have a very hurt spouse but can’t bear to lose their “friend.” Marital implosion is close at hand. My approach seems like tough love, but I’m convinced it saves a lot of grief.

The first and most important task, from which all the other things these clients must do will follow, is to take responsibility for the affair — same as if they’d had a sexual liaison. Denying it or blaming their partner’s inattentiveness prevents the couple from reengaging. The only cases where it might not be best to fess up are the rare ones where the partner has no suspicions: Revealing hidden feelings just to absolve guilt is not a great idea.

Second, the affair must end. Yes, it hurts. And no, it’s not possible to disengage partway and still be pals. Things get trickier if the infidelity began in the workplace, but all future interaction must be purely professional and kept to an absolute minimum.

Third, I try to help clients unearth the reasons they got overinvolved. Was their marriage failing? Did they need to build their self-esteem? Were they repeating the pattern of a parent who cheated? To prevent an encore, they must be brutally honest with themselves.

Finally, they have to build back the trust, which is the biggest obstacle to saving the marriage. I’m constantly telling people that it requires a lot of time, openness, and accountability (for example, being clear about whereabouts and coming home right after work).

What I find to be remarkably consistent is that most people don’t appreciate the relationship they do have until they’re about to lose it. This is what happened with Sharon. When Robert found her e-mails to Todd (“I miss you so much … I can’t wait to see you,” along with complaints about her home life), he was shattered and wanted a divorce. As soon as Sharon realized her husband might leave her, Todd didn’t seem quite as thrilling. But saying goodbye to him, which she ultimately decided to do, was wrenching, and Robert isn’t sure whether he can forgive her. The three of us are still working on understanding why the affair happened and whether they can agree to rebuild their relationship.

It’s much more difficult to make your way back from a betrayal of intimate feelings than to try to refresh a marriage that may have become flat and distant. When you ignore anxiety-inducing thoughts like “I feel stuck — I wish I could run off and have fun” or “I feel old and dumpy — if only someone would make me feel young and sexy again,” you cannot examine or deal with them in a productive manner. Instead, you unwittingly act them out, with potentially devastating results.

Any good relationship takes an investment of time, effort, and emotional energy. What few people want to accept is that we can all become Sharon and Robert, and that marriage, while potentially tremendously gratifying, is always a work in progress.

Gail Saltz is a clinical associate professor of psychiatry at New York–Presbyterian Hospital, and the author of Anatomy of a Secret Life: The Psychology of Living a Lie (Morgan Road).

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http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/he-said-she-said/articleoprah.aspx?cp-documentid=21382352&page=2

http://mydoctortells.com/violence-extramarital-affairs-news/

A cheating Wisconsin man was ambushed by his wife and mistresses who lured him to a motel, tied him up and super-glued his penis to his stomach.

One man Donessa Davies against three women: two lovers Threrese Ziemann, age 48 years, another lover Wendy Swell age 43, Ziemann’s wjife’s and Ziemann’s sister
Daniel

The guy was punished by sticking his penis with glue to his belly in violent outrage by girls. Two girls were in love with him each not knowing about the other and not knowing that the boy friend was married.

ZIEMANN

WENDY SEWELL

MICHELLE BILLIVEAU

Michelle Belliveau

WHO DID IT

Donessa Davies, the unfortunate boy friend lover.
Wendy Sewell age 44 (1)
and Threrese Ziemann age 48 (2) both of Menasha; Ziemann’s sister Michelle Belliveau age 43 (3) of Neenah and the man’s wife(4) are charged with being party to false imprisonment. Ziemann also is charged with fourth-degree sexual assault.

They face up to six years in prison.

See extra marital affair ending with revenge
http://blogs.app.com/saywhat/2009/08/04/wife-mistresses-ambush-cheating-man-glue-genitals-to-his-stomach/

Infidelity Definition

Wikipedia [2]
Infidelity can be defined as any violation of the mutually agreed-upon rules or boundaries of a relationship, and is a breach of faith in an interpersonal relationship.
Sexual infidelity in marriage is called adultery, philandery or an affair and in other interpersonal relationships it may be called cheating. A man whose wife has committed adultery is referred to as a cuckold, [1] but no equivalent word exists for a woman whose partner has cheated.

Statistics: Prevalence of infidelity

A
27% of people who reported being happy in marriage admitted to having an affair [3].
B
By contrast John Gottman with his 35 years of research into marriage, [4] is reported as saying “Only 20 percent of divorces are caused by an affair. [5] Most marriages die with a whimper, as people turn away from one another, slowly growing apart.” [6]

[1]cuckold
[1]pronunciation
[1]definition

[2]definitioninfidelity

[3]Clinical Psychology resources on infidelity

[4]Gottman’s Sound Marital House Model

[5] Rescuing Marriages Before They Begin

[6] Women’s Infidelity by Michelle Langley BOOK(ISBN 0-9767726-0-4) Straight talk about why women have affairs, 2005

[1] DEFINITION What exactly do you mean by infidelity?
[2] Socratic Method – Serious Questions
[3]BEHAVIORAL PHSYIOLOGY

How do cheating husbands react when suspicion arises?
[4]TRAUMA OF HEART BREAK
What can happen to the one who feels cheated?
[5] HOW PREVALENT IS CHEATING / EXTRA MARITAL AFFAIR?
How common is ‘cheating by husbands’?
[6] ANATOMY OF INFIDELITY
Why do husbands/wives cheat?
Biology – The Law of Attraction
[7]HOW TO FIND CHEATING BY HUSBAND / WIFE?
Detective Techniques: You do not have to be Sherlock Holmes.
[8] TREATMENT

What next? Rehabilitation. How to deal with a situation when your partner is being unfaithful to you?

Note: If a MAN is cheating, the accomplice, WOMAN is also being unfaithful to her spouse.

Corollary: Cheating husband almost always means cheating wives (unless the husband visits prostitutes)

[9] JOKE You heard this before

Once a wife asked out of suspicion to her husband, “Why are you meeting this woman?” He replied, “I am going for a business meeting.”

Wife rebuked, “For whose business, her business (prostitute) or yours?”

What is infidelity?

Let me define what I am talking about.
[1] Definition:

Falling in love (romantically involved) with someone other than your married partner is called infidelity. Note: Even if there is no sex, ‘romantic involvement’ is an affair.

The sarcastic definition I like is, “Right things done by the wrong people.”

You are not reading a novel, so I will use the
[2]
Socratic method of Questioning – Asking
Fundamental Questions.
Why use the words ‘cheating’ or ‘unfaithful’? Why condemn ‘love’?

Why being good friends (having an affair) is called ‘cheating’? I have not done anything bad.

• Why is having Extra Marital Affair termed as being Unfaithful?
• Why falling in love (with someone other than married partner) be called ‘cheating’?
• Is it a crime?

[3] Behavioral Physiology of Cheating

How does the person who is cheating (husband or wife) react?
Denial Response
Initial defense is, “You have stupid suspicion.” “It is not at all like that.”
Then, “You are jealous.”, “You are an insecure person”.
“There is nothing between us.”Then some covering up Rationalization
“S/he is just a good friend/ a colleague/ working partner/someone who has helped a lot/ a relative.
Tricky Logic

More so, when I manage home, carry out responsibilities. Add to this, “I take care of you, of child. I have done so much for our family. I manage so many things. For whom do I do all this? For you, for us. I have not deprived you of clothes, trips, this and that, (material things).
Rationalization and Denial

A typical response is, “There is nothing between us. We are not sexually involved. We just happened to meet.” Or S/he is friend/Colleague so we happen to meet more often? You are suspecting in vain. There is nothing between us.

Euphemism
From beginning to end, however, the phrase used is, ‘good friend’, which is an euphemism. Other phrase is ‘colleague’ with whom one has to have repeated meetings (Its about ‘work’, you know.)

‘Good friend’ is an euphemism, just as the phrase ‘passed away’, ‘is no more’, ‘left for heavenly abode’ is used to convey the tragic incidence ‘death’.

Some times the justification is so powerful that the people involved in romantic affair do not think they are doing any thing wrong. “I like her. She likes me. I am not hurting anyone. S/he is special friend.”

Not my fault
Towards the end comes, I did not start it. It happened. Not my fault.

Exasperated

What do you want me to do? Stop talking? Change my job?

[4] Affair – Stabbing in Heart

Finding that your wife or husband (girlfriend or boy friend) with whom you have committed relationship is being unfaithful, is cheating you is one of the worst experiences of life. It is not uncommon.

Cheating by wife or husband can enrage or devastate and is a reason for murder or suicide or serious chronic illnesses. For most people, it appears as a justifiable reaction to infidelity [b]. Real numbers of such catastrophe is much more than the officially reported statistics. Yet such extreme steps are tip of the ice berg compared to the number of people living with emotional trauma. This heart break does not have quick fix treatment as is heart attack has, like by pass surgery or angioplasty. The hurt due to breach of trust and resulting depression can be intense.

[5] How common is cheating or Extra Marital Affair? [b]

No one would be surprised if I tell that the actual number of infidelity or extramarital affairs is in multiples of what gets noticed or reported. Only few affairs or cheating by husbands or wives come to light.

Do you know

that the number of people who do not even suspect what is going on behind them is more than the number of people who sense cheating. There are so many blissfully unaware wives/husbands who can vouch that he/she is best spouse. This is so because they themselves are clean and naive. Besides the smart cheaters cover up/compensate well so that there is no suspicion.

[7] Evidence

How to find your husband is cheating? How to find your wife is cheating?

This is important, intricate and calls for separate chapter.

It is difficult to prove, easy to know. In the heart break suffered due to cheating husband, blood is not spilled, but life goes Topsy Turvy. It is not a matter that can be publicly disclosed, told to parents, in-laws, or children. If you are lucky you may disclose this private tragedy to good friend(s). Circumstantial evidences and experienced Counselor will not have difficulty identifying this issue. If you are lucky you may meet a Counselor who will not only tell you the diagnostic symptoms, the method of getting clinching evidence, but also guide you through, “What next?”. This is the only place where sanity is likely to be restored, because life continues.

[8] How to deal with cheating husband? Is divorce necessary? Hold on!
[9]JOKE

On Fast Track

Dr. Ashok Koparday
[b]
[b]