I’m 28 years marrried since 1 year. I have pain when husband tries to sexal intercourse. He becomes angry. I do not want to displease him. We are under pressuer to have a child. I too want pregnancy. I fear there will be bleeding and pain during sex.

I do not know what to do.
please guide.
Thakds
Mrs. zzzz. xxx

PAIN BLEEDING DURING FIRST SEX

MYTH

The information most women/girls have before they get married is that initially there may be pain during intercourse. There is often some bleeding. Later on there is no pain.
This is the information passed on by close relatives/friends. It is the general idea the girl has about sexual intercourse.

HOW MANY OF YOU AGREE THAT THERE IS PAIN AND OFTEN BLEEDING DURING SEX INITIALLY?
When a newly wed goes in the arms of her husband on the first night, imagine her state if she believes sex causes pain.
Pain generates fear.

Fear causes clamping of the vaginal opening. The vaginal opening is not OPEN lie a big O.
Vaginal opening is a closed potential space. As you close the fingers of your hand to make a fist potential space exists between the closed fingers. If you push finger of another hand in this closed fist the fist gives way and your inserted finger is held in the closed fist now.

This being the parallel that comes closest to the anatomy of vaginal passage and the muscles surrounding it, it is easy to appreciate that if a woman is informed that there is likely to be pain during sex, the muscles around the vaginal opening tighten. Just as the fist when tightened will not allow the finger of other hand to pass through it, so too the vaginal orifice is not open and does not allow passage of penis.

If penis is forced in such a closed, clamped vaginal passage there is bound to be pain and often bleeding due to tear of tissues.

When your relatives tell you that it does pain during sex it is because they have been told similarly and consequently insertion had happened with force, which has caused pain.

This closing of the vaginal opening due to tightening by protective reflex action of the peri-vaginal muscles, muscles around the vaginal opening (the pelvic floor muscles, pubo coccygeus muscles), is called vaginismus.

Note this is not done intentionally. It is subconscious contraction of muscles that leads to painful sex when penis is thrust in forcefully. Hence, conscious decision to relax the muscles does not work.

At first sex in a girl there may be
[1] pain (dyspareunia) if there is vaginismus, or there is
[2] no pain during insertion if there is no reflex spasm called vaginismus or there is
[3] no insertion of penis during sexual activity.

The third is not uncommon. It is called unconsummated (unconsumated) sex and the reason is vaginismus.

IS THERE A TREATMENT FOR VAGINISMUS?

There is a systematic treatment for vaginismus. Seek the help of EXPERT EXPERIENCED SEX THERAPIST.
Internal examination (Per Speculum and Per Vaginal Examination) by a Gynecologist is to be AVOIDED. Psycho Sexual Therapeutic Counseling brings best results if the couple is cooperative and committed.