I’m 28 years marrried since 1 year. I have pain when husband tries to sexal intercourse. He becomes angry. I do not want to displease him. We are under pressuer to have a child. I too want pregnancy. I fear there will be bleeding and pain during sex.

I do not know what to do.
please guide.
Thakds
Mrs. zzzz. xxx

PAIN BLEEDING DURING FIRST SEX

MYTH

The information most women/girls have before they get married is that initially there may be pain during intercourse. There is often some bleeding. Later on there is no pain.
This is the information passed on by close relatives/friends. It is the general idea the girl has about sexual intercourse.

HOW MANY OF YOU AGREE THAT THERE IS PAIN AND OFTEN BLEEDING DURING SEX INITIALLY?
When a newly wed goes in the arms of her husband on the first night, imagine her state if she believes sex causes pain.
Pain generates fear.

Fear causes clamping of the vaginal opening. The vaginal opening is not OPEN lie a big O.
Vaginal opening is a closed potential space. As you close the fingers of your hand to make a fist potential space exists between the closed fingers. If you push finger of another hand in this closed fist the fist gives way and your inserted finger is held in the closed fist now.

This being the parallel that comes closest to the anatomy of vaginal passage and the muscles surrounding it, it is easy to appreciate that if a woman is informed that there is likely to be pain during sex, the muscles around the vaginal opening tighten. Just as the fist when tightened will not allow the finger of other hand to pass through it, so too the vaginal orifice is not open and does not allow passage of penis.

If penis is forced in such a closed, clamped vaginal passage there is bound to be pain and often bleeding due to tear of tissues.

When your relatives tell you that it does pain during sex it is because they have been told similarly and consequently insertion had happened with force, which has caused pain.

This closing of the vaginal opening due to tightening by protective reflex action of the peri-vaginal muscles, muscles around the vaginal opening (the pelvic floor muscles, pubo coccygeus muscles), is called vaginismus.

Note this is not done intentionally. It is subconscious contraction of muscles that leads to painful sex when penis is thrust in forcefully. Hence, conscious decision to relax the muscles does not work.

At first sex in a girl there may be
[1] pain (dyspareunia) if there is vaginismus, or there is
[2] no pain during insertion if there is no reflex spasm called vaginismus or there is
[3] no insertion of penis during sexual activity.

The third is not uncommon. It is called unconsummated (unconsumated) sex and the reason is vaginismus.

IS THERE A TREATMENT FOR VAGINISMUS?

There is a systematic treatment for vaginismus. Seek the help of EXPERT EXPERIENCED SEX THERAPIST.
Internal examination (Per Speculum and Per Vaginal Examination) by a Gynecologist is to be AVOIDED. Psycho Sexual Therapeutic Counseling brings best results if the couple is cooperative and committed.

WHAT IS UNCONSUMMATED MARRIAGE

Even months after marriage when there is no sexual intercourse with penis entering the vagina it is disturbing to the couple, more so to the guy.
This condition is called unconsummated marriage or unconsummated sex.
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Animated Picture Vaginismus
(small picture)
(big picture)
depicting contraction of opening of vagina, the passage where penis is inserted during sexual intercourse.

MISTAKEN BELIEF – (MYTH)

Usually the boy and therefore the girl thinks that he has

1. poor erection (erectile dysfunction). The erection does not last long enough, hence he is not able to have sex.
   The newly wed wife may call it as
2. impotence.
   The guy may believe he has
3. premature ejaculation hence he is not able to do insertion during sex after marriage.
4. Penis size is small
5. Foreskin cannot be pulled back completely

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CASE HISTORY- FROM SEX FILES

What happens

• 1
  The boy is ashamed, crestfallen believing that he failed to do sex. He may avoid sexual activity, with the excuse that he is tired at night and work till late at night. Even if a normal male has this amount of misery and self abnegation he will not be able to achieve good hard on or erection present during foreplay may wane just as he is about to attempt insertion.
• 2
  I have had cases who shunned going to wife resulting in infamy and ultimately separation.
• 3
  I have had friends bringing in the guy because they found him attempting suicide by jump over the bridge into deep waters. He exhibits signs of depression. See HEALTHMETER®
• 4
  More commonly, he is so guilt ridden that he avoids going to Therapist for help since it is humiliating to have to go to a Sexologist. Wife coaxes repeatedly for 2 years, he promises he will go to doctor, but keeps postponing, wife threatens to leave him, he reaches the Sex Therapist’s Office.
• 5
  The guy goes to Sex Therapist/Counselor to seek treatment for Erectile Dysfunction or Premature Ejaculation, whatever he believes to be the fault with him.
• 6
  Rarely, the Newly Wed girl goes to a Gynecologist who prescribes Local Anesthetic Gel, sometimes Sildenafil too, with the words, “Don’t worry.”
• 7
  It is true that most health care professionals/Family Physicians don’t go beyond placating, “It can happen due to inexperience,” “Don’t worry,” “Keep trying.”

  (A client told me that in his mind he replied to the Doctor, “I would certainly not worry if it had happened to you. Damn it, I am worried, it is has screwed up my sex life. Do something about it.”)

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The information regarding unconsummated marriage can be found here

1. first sex unconsumated doctor’s tips
2. FirstSex-FirstNight-Suhagrat_FirstHoneymoon
3. newly-wed-husband-refuses-sex
4. no-insertion-of-penis-during-sex
5. sex-tips-before-marriage-boys
   and
6. unconsumated-marriage

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CAUSE (MYTH)

In the words of the newly wed guy:
“It is because of weakness that has resulted from excess masturbation, which I began very early in childhood.”
“Bachpan ki galti”
“Hath say karne ki buri adat”

Masturbation is implicated as the cause. This (mistaken) belief may be reinforced by friends, quacks or advertisements by quacks.

Newly wed have not been able to do sex, meaning, not been able to do penetrative sexual intercourse, the penis has not gone in vagina during sex. This is called unconsummated sex, or unconsummated marriage.

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Hardly any one knows the word ‘unconsummated’. Hence I have chosen some key words below to help those who are looking for help with the condition called ‘unconsummated’ , ‘unconsummated marriage’, or ‘unconsummated sex’.

This labor is called for because the merriam-webster medical dictionary [1]search for the word unconsummated results in: No entries found

[1] http://www.merriam-webster.com/medical/unconsummated

DIAGNOSIS

TREATMENT

VAGINISMUS

ANIMATED PICTURE

depicting Vaginismus
click here
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