I’m 28 years marrried since 1 year. I have pain when husband tries to sexal intercourse. He becomes angry. I do not want to displease him. We are under pressuer to have a child. I too want pregnancy. I fear there will be bleeding and pain during sex.

I do not know what to do.
please guide.
Thakds
Mrs. zzzz. xxx

PAIN BLEEDING DURING FIRST SEX

MYTH

The information most women/girls have before they get married is that initially there may be pain during intercourse. There is often some bleeding. Later on there is no pain.
This is the information passed on by close relatives/friends. It is the general idea the girl has about sexual intercourse.

HOW MANY OF YOU AGREE THAT THERE IS PAIN AND OFTEN BLEEDING DURING SEX INITIALLY?
When a newly wed goes in the arms of her husband on the first night, imagine her state if she believes sex causes pain.
Pain generates fear.

Fear causes clamping of the vaginal opening. The vaginal opening is not OPEN lie a big O.
Vaginal opening is a closed potential space. As you close the fingers of your hand to make a fist potential space exists between the closed fingers. If you push finger of another hand in this closed fist the fist gives way and your inserted finger is held in the closed fist now.

This being the parallel that comes closest to the anatomy of vaginal passage and the muscles surrounding it, it is easy to appreciate that if a woman is informed that there is likely to be pain during sex, the muscles around the vaginal opening tighten. Just as the fist when tightened will not allow the finger of other hand to pass through it, so too the vaginal orifice is not open and does not allow passage of penis.

If penis is forced in such a closed, clamped vaginal passage there is bound to be pain and often bleeding due to tear of tissues.

When your relatives tell you that it does pain during sex it is because they have been told similarly and consequently insertion had happened with force, which has caused pain.

This closing of the vaginal opening due to tightening by protective reflex action of the peri-vaginal muscles, muscles around the vaginal opening (the pelvic floor muscles, pubo coccygeus muscles), is called vaginismus.

Note this is not done intentionally. It is subconscious contraction of muscles that leads to painful sex when penis is thrust in forcefully. Hence, conscious decision to relax the muscles does not work.

At first sex in a girl there may be
[1] pain (dyspareunia) if there is vaginismus, or there is
[2] no pain during insertion if there is no reflex spasm called vaginismus or there is
[3] no insertion of penis during sexual activity.

The third is not uncommon. It is called unconsummated (unconsumated) sex and the reason is vaginismus.

IS THERE A TREATMENT FOR VAGINISMUS?

There is a systematic treatment for vaginismus. Seek the help of EXPERT EXPERIENCED SEX THERAPIST.
Internal examination (Per Speculum and Per Vaginal Examination) by a Gynecologist is to be AVOIDED. Psycho Sexual Therapeutic Counseling brings best results if the couple is cooperative and committed.

Wrong Diagnosis Of Male Sex Problems

• Premature Ejaculation,
• Penis is not as stiff as it used to be,
• Erectile Dysfunction,
• Impotence,
• Looses Erection just at the time of insertion,
• Small Size of Penis,
• Decreased Sexual Desire.

I am not able to satisfy my wife sexually.
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Ask him -THIS IS IMPORTANT-if he is newly married.

Newly wed man says because of above mentioned sex problem, that is because of his Erectile Dysfunction (Poor stiffness/hard on in penis), he has not been able to do sexual intercourse.

“I loose my erection even before I can penetrate.”

Ask him -THIS IS IMPORTANT- if complete insertion of penis in vagina has happened . Even after months or years of wedding the marriage can be unconsummated. Wrong diagnosis can wreck the boy’s self esteem.
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DEPRESSION IN MAN WHO IS NEWLY WED
You will also discover symptoms of depression in this young man. He does not feel fresh when he wakes up in the morning. The whole day while at work he has to push himself to do the work. Before discovery of his inability to insert his enthusiasm during the whole day used to be high such that he could take up many activities. Now he tends to procrastinate, delegate, avoid work. Check this: HEALTHMETER®

Wrong diagnosis

of
Premature Ejaculation, Erectile Dysfunction, Impotence, Small Size of Penis is not uncommon in Newly Wed Male.
During honey moon or from the first sexual intercourse itself insertion (I am not using the word ‘penetration’***) of penis in vagina has never happened.

WHY WRONG DIAGNOSIS
The penis is visible and changes in size during erection and after ejaculation. Penis is the passenger. Vagina is the passage. There could be some difficulty in the passage goes unnoticed. This typically happens in vaginismus.

Simple way to check vaginismus
Find if her own or her husband’s one finger can go inside her vagina. If it pains, if it cannot go easily the diagnosis is vaginismus.

The fear and pain while attempting insertion of finger or penis is so evident that even Gynecologic Examination is unnecessary.

You will also discover that she cannot or will not use a tampon (o.b.tampon® Johnson & Johnson’s). Tampon serves the same purpose as sanitary napkins, which are worn during menses. Tampons are to be inserted inside the vagina.

In treatment I incorporate Finger Exercise.

I have not found necessary to send even a single woman for Per Vaginal, Per Speculum Examination (PV, PS) to Obstetrician Gynecologist.
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TREATMENT METHODS FOR VAGINISMUS
How Dildo helps in treatment: The diameter of dildo is gradually increased till it corresponds to diameter of erect penis (Dildo is penis sized and is shaped like penis. It is not sharp, but round and blunt so that it will not hurt the vaginal mucosa)

I have not found necessary the use of applicator or dildo that a woman is supposed to insert and keep in her vagina for some time for the purpose of treatment of unconsummated marriage due to vaginismus.

How and why of Fenton’s Operation for treatment of vaginismus?
In the past Fenton’s Operation was done as treatment of vaginismus.

Cruciate incision was taken at the vaginal orifice to increase the dimension of vaginal opening.
This operation is out dated because the dynamics of vaginismus is unaltered.

WHAT HAPPENS IN VAGINISMUS
In vaginismus there is subconscious, sudden contraction of pubococcygeous muscles at the time of insertion in vagina. It is a vagina in panic, screaming “NO ENTRY!”.

WHY THE OPERATION FAILS
Operation does not prevent the instantaneous, involuntary tightening of the pelvic floor muscles due to fear in anticipation of vaginal penetration. This reaction will occur if she expects pain during penetration (often even before attempting it!).
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SUMMARY
Erectile Dysfunction,
Stiffness is less,
Hard on not as before,
Diminished Sexual Desire,
Premature Ejaculation,
Penis is small in size,
kamjoori
ALL these
male sexual problems are wrongly diagnosed in Newly Wed Man who is not able to penetrate (Penis could not be inserted in vagina) during sexual intercourse.
ROOT CAUSE VAGINISMUS
The condition where couple during sexual intercourse are not able to accomplish insertion of penis in vagina is called UNCONSUMMATED sex.

***Penetration
In peno-vaginal Sexual Intercourse, why the word ‘Insertion’ is preferred instead of ‘Penetration’ (As in Penetrative Sex)?

My senior colleague, eminent Dr. J. V. Bhatt, who was Dean of Medical College in the University of Mumbai remarks, “Penetration sounds harsh, forceful. Whereas Insertion indicates easily going inside where it is supposed to go.” This difference between ‘insertion’ and ‘penetration’ is important. I therefore use the word ‘insertion’ instead of the commonly used word, ‘penetration’ to convey the above meaning where ever required in context of Sexual Intercourse.
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Useful Links
1 http://mysexdoctor.blogspot.com/2008/01/healthmeter.html

2first
sex unconsumated doctor’s
tips
3 FirstSex-FirstNight-Suhagrat_FirstHoneymoon
4 newly-wed-husband-refuses-sex

5 no-insertion-of-penis-during-sex
6 sex-tips-before-marriage-boys

7 unconsumated-marriage

8 http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/vaginismus

9 Animated Picture showing Vaginismus

10 Large Animated Picture showing the mechanism of Vaginismus
11 Vagina in panic. www.womentc.com
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VAGINISMUS

Animated Picture

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The vaginal door (vaginal introitus) /entry of penis is clamped due to spasm of pubo-coccygeous muscles. Animated picture

For detail discussion on vaginismus and unconsummated sex/marriage
[1] click here
[2] click here

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Vaginismus Animated Picture (small)

Except where otherwise noted, All Images and Multimedia on this Sexuality Health Education website http://mysexdoctor.blogspot.com by Dr. Ashok Koparday is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 2.5 India License.
Based on a work at mysexdoctor.blogspot.com.
Permissions beyond the scope of this license may be available at http://mysexdoctor.blogspot.com
mydoctortells.com ®

Click here for large animated picture of vaginismus.

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vaginismus leading to unconsummated marriage/sex

mydoctortells.com ®

For Sex File On Unconsummated Marriage Click Here

Except where otherwise noted, All Images and Multimedia on this Sexuality Health Education website http://mydoctortells.com || http://doctortells.blogspot.com by Dr. Ashok Koparday is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 2.5 India License.
Based on a work at http://doctortells.blogspot.com || http://mydoctortells.com.
Permissions beyond the scope of this license may be available at http://doctor.blogspot.com || http://mydoctortells.com

WHAT IS UNCONSUMMATED MARRIAGE

Even months after marriage when there is no sexual intercourse with penis entering the vagina it is disturbing to the couple, more so to the guy.
This condition is called unconsummated marriage or unconsummated sex.
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Animated Picture Vaginismus
(small picture)
(big picture)
depicting contraction of opening of vagina, the passage where penis is inserted during sexual intercourse.

MISTAKEN BELIEF – (MYTH)

Usually the boy and therefore the girl thinks that he has

1. poor erection (erectile dysfunction). The erection does not last long enough, hence he is not able to have sex.
   The newly wed wife may call it as
2. impotence.
   The guy may believe he has
3. premature ejaculation hence he is not able to do insertion during sex after marriage.
4. Penis size is small
5. Foreskin cannot be pulled back completely

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CASE HISTORY- FROM SEX FILES

What happens

• 1
  The boy is ashamed, crestfallen believing that he failed to do sex. He may avoid sexual activity, with the excuse that he is tired at night and work till late at night. Even if a normal male has this amount of misery and self abnegation he will not be able to achieve good hard on or erection present during foreplay may wane just as he is about to attempt insertion.
• 2
  I have had cases who shunned going to wife resulting in infamy and ultimately separation.
• 3
  I have had friends bringing in the guy because they found him attempting suicide by jump over the bridge into deep waters. He exhibits signs of depression. See HEALTHMETER®
• 4
  More commonly, he is so guilt ridden that he avoids going to Therapist for help since it is humiliating to have to go to a Sexologist. Wife coaxes repeatedly for 2 years, he promises he will go to doctor, but keeps postponing, wife threatens to leave him, he reaches the Sex Therapist’s Office.
• 5
  The guy goes to Sex Therapist/Counselor to seek treatment for Erectile Dysfunction or Premature Ejaculation, whatever he believes to be the fault with him.
• 6
  Rarely, the Newly Wed girl goes to a Gynecologist who prescribes Local Anesthetic Gel, sometimes Sildenafil too, with the words, “Don’t worry.”
• 7
  It is true that most health care professionals/Family Physicians don’t go beyond placating, “It can happen due to inexperience,” “Don’t worry,” “Keep trying.”

  (A client told me that in his mind he replied to the Doctor, “I would certainly not worry if it had happened to you. Damn it, I am worried, it is has screwed up my sex life. Do something about it.”)

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The information regarding unconsummated marriage can be found here

1. first sex unconsumated doctor’s tips
2. FirstSex-FirstNight-Suhagrat_FirstHoneymoon
3. newly-wed-husband-refuses-sex
4. no-insertion-of-penis-during-sex
5. sex-tips-before-marriage-boys
   and
6. unconsumated-marriage

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CAUSE (MYTH)

In the words of the newly wed guy:
“It is because of weakness that has resulted from excess masturbation, which I began very early in childhood.”
“Bachpan ki galti”
“Hath say karne ki buri adat”

Masturbation is implicated as the cause. This (mistaken) belief may be reinforced by friends, quacks or advertisements by quacks.

Newly wed have not been able to do sex, meaning, not been able to do penetrative sexual intercourse, the penis has not gone in vagina during sex. This is called unconsummated sex, or unconsummated marriage.

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Hardly any one knows the word ‘unconsummated’. Hence I have chosen some key words below to help those who are looking for help with the condition called ‘unconsummated’ , ‘unconsummated marriage’, or ‘unconsummated sex’.

This labor is called for because the merriam-webster medical dictionary [1]search for the word unconsummated results in: No entries found

[1] http://www.merriam-webster.com/medical/unconsummated

DIAGNOSIS

TREATMENT

VAGINISMUS

ANIMATED PICTURE

depicting Vaginismus
click here
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