R U SICK OF THE SAME NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS? TRY THESE. . .

20. I will try to figure out why I “really” need 11 e-mail addresses.

19. I will find out why the correspondence courseon “Mail Fraud” that I purchased never showed up.
————————————-
Are you sick of making the same resolutions yearafter year and yet you never keep them? Here are some resolutions that you can actually accomplish! Enjoy!

18. Read less.

17. I want to gain weight. Put on at least 30 pounds.

16. Stop exercising. Waste of time.

15. Watch more TV. I’ve been missing some good stuff.

14. Procrastinate more.

13. Start being superstitious.

12. Spend more time at work.

11. Stop bringing lunch from home: I should eat out more.
and last but not least…

10. Take up a new habit: maybe smoking!
—
9. I resolve… I resolve to… I resolve to, uh… I resolve to, uh, get my, er… I resolve to, uh, get my, er, off-line work done, too!

8. I will stop checking my e-mail at 3:00 in the morning… 4:30 is much more practical.

7. I will stop sending e-mail to my daughter in the other room.

6.
I resolve to work with neglected children… my own.

5. When I subscribe to a newsgroup or mailing list,I will read all the mail I get from it.

4. I resolve to back up my new 400 GB hard drive daily… well, once a week… monthly, perhaps…
3. I will spend less than five hour a day on the Internet.
2. I will limit my top ten lists to ten items.
1. I will read the manual…just as soon as I can find it.

GROW WITH GRACE

You are growing old every day.
What’s your attitude to life?
Do you know how to live with STRESS WITHOUT DISTRESS?

Correct your LIFE STYLE today or be old dog tomorrow.

Here’s a magic potion with Dr. Ashok Koparday to

TAKE YOUR LIFE BACKWARDS ; )

First Die and get death out of the way
Then
Go to old age home with pension and games to play
Then
Get your PF and start working
Then
Work 40 years until you are young
Then
Take retirement for you are youth. Enjoy partying, booze and flirting
Now
Get ready for High school
Then
Become a kid and play. Hey! No worries.
Now
Become a cuddly little baby
Then
Go back in womb. Spend your last 9 months floating
And
Finish off as a chromosome.
What a life style? Wow ! ! !

“Growing old is no more than a bad habit which a busy person has no time to form.”
Andre Maurois

“The trick is growing up without growing old.”
Casey Stengel

“You’re never too old to become younger.”
Mae West

“The secret to staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.”
Lucille Ball

“There are 3 stages to a man’s life: youth, middle-age and ‘You haven’t changed a bit!”
Anonymous

“You can’t turn back the clock. But you can wind it up again.”
Bonnie Prudden

“You can’t help getting older, but you don’t have to get old.”
George Burns

“Age is too high a price to pay for maturity.”
Anonymous

“Age is a question of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.”
Satchel Paige

“I’ll tell ya how to stay young: hang around with older people.”
Bob Hope

TESTOSTERONE THE MOVIE
Testosterone (2003) is a film adaption from James Robert Baker’s novel Testosterone. The film is directed by David Moreton and stars David Sutcliffe, Antonio Sabato, Jr., and Jennifer Coolidge.

• A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed
  he had his collar on backwards.
• The little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards.
• The man, who was a priest, said, ‘I am a Father.’
• The little boy replied, ‘My Daddy doesn’t wear his collar like that.’
• The priest looked up from his book and answered, ”I am the Father of many.’
• The boy said, ”My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn’t wear his collar that way!’

• The priest, getting impatient, said. ‘I am the Father of hundreds’, and
  went back to reading his book.

• The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and
• said, “Maybe you should wear a condom, and put your pants on backwards instead of your collar.

Thanks to
Special Contributor
Naimisha US

‘Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.’

The dog said: ‘That’s a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I’ll give you back the other ten?’

So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said:
‘Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I’ll give you a twenty-year life span.’

The monkey said: ‘Monkey tricks for twenty years? That’s a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?’

And God agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow and said:

‘You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer’s family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.’

The cow said: ‘That’s kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years.. How about twenty and I’ll give back the other forty?’

And God agreed again.

On the fourth day, God created humans and said:
‘Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I’ll give you twenty years.’

But the human said: ‘Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?’

‘Okay,’ said God, ‘You asked for it.’

So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves.
For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family.
For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren.
And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I’m doing it as a public service.

Definition of husband

A lazy laboraholic who works hard at office due to which he masquerades as being hard working, even intelligent and who has a funny inexplicably bloated ego that gets quickly offended if the truth be told that he is irresponsible, good for nothing at home, except of course his salary, for which he wants to be treated as the Lord incarnate.

You can skip all that follows. It is just to sound academic.

Why women are bestowed with supreme endurance (as in labor pain, messy menses, lazy hubbies)?
Some women politely condescend that they are married to the king of this lazy species called ‘husband’.

Origin and propagation of Male chauvinism (class: pigs)?
No wonder men needed to be chauvinists for the truth would crush them down to hell.

“Give unto others what you ought to get”, hence they have been giving hell of life time for women for generations.

Don’t You Miss Understand
Forget the definition it if you don’t understand, but ask for explanation rather than misunderstand.

[a]
laboraholic :
originator: Ashok Koparday
Laboraholic is similar to Workaholic.
Men boast of more physical strength, hence they are classified under labor class.

[b]
chauvinist :
an attitude of superiority toward members of the opposite sex;
also : behavior expressive of such an attitude

Etymology (how the word originated):
French chauvinisme,
from Nicolas Chauvin, character noted for his excessive patriotism and devotion to Napoleon in Théodore and Hippolyte Cogniard’s play La Cocarde tricolore (1831)

chauvinist. (2009). In Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary.

Retrieved August 10, 2009, from http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/chauvinist

[c]
irrefutable
Synonyms:
indisputable, incontrovertible, undeniable.

ir⋅ref⋅u⋅ta⋅ble
–adjective
that cannot be refuted or disproved: irrefutable logic.

American Psychological Association (APA):
irrefutable. (n.d.).
Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1).
Retrieved August 09, 2009,
from Dictionary.com
website: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/irrefutable

A Code Of Ethical Behavior For Patients

• 1. Do not expect your doctor to share your discomfort. Involvement with the patient’s suffering might cause him to
  lose valuable scientific objectivity.
• 2. Be cheerful at all times. Your doctor leads a busy and trying life and requires all the gentleness and rassurance he can get.
• 3.Try to suffer from the disease for which you are being treated. Remember that your doctor has a professional
  reputation to uphold.
• 4.Do not complain if the treatment fails to bring relief. You must believe that your doctor has achieved a deep insight into the true nature of your illness, which transcends any mere permanent disability you may have experienced.
• 5. Never ask your doctor to explain what he is doing or why he is doing it. It is presumptuous to assume that such profound matters could be explained in terms that you would understand.


MY DOCTOR TELLS DOWNLOAD TO BE SPECIAL CONTRIBUTOR

• 6. Submit to novel experimental treatment readily. Though the surgery may not benefit you directly, the resulting research paper will surely be of widespread interest.
• 7. Pay your medical bills promptly and willingly. You should consider it a privilege to contribute, however modestly, to the well-being of physicians and other humanitarians.
• 8. Do not suffer from ailments that you cannot afford. It is sheer arrogance to contract illnesses that are beyond your means.
• 9. Never reveal any of the shortcomings that have come to light in the course of treatment by your doctor. The patient-doctor relationship is a privileged one, and you have a sacred duty to protect him from exposure.
• 10. Never die while in your doctor’s presence or under his direct care. This will only cause him needless inconvenience and embarrassment.

1.
Opening a glass cabinet door, he reached in and pulled out an old business journal. His was leather-bound and engraved neatly with his name in gold, while his sons was tattered and the name Jimmy had been nearly scuffed from its surface. Could he restore what had been worn away with time and use?

“No man is ever rich enough to buy back his past.”
- by Oscar Wilde

As he opened his journal, the old man’s eyes fell upon an inscription that stood out because it was so brief in comparison to other days. In his own neat handwriting were these words:

Wasted the whole day fishing with Jimmy. Didn’t catch a thing.

With a deep sigh and a shaking hand, he took Jimmy’s journal and found the boy’s entry for the same day, June 4. Large scrawling letters, pressed deeply into the paper, read:

Went fishing with my Dad. Best day of my life

1. sent by Namisha from USA
   Naimisha is a special contributor to
   
   www.mydoctortells.com _ _ _ we care

Invite friends as special-contributor. to http://mydoctortells.com

~ When a wife has a good husband it is easily seen in her face. ~
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

~ One good husband is worth two good wives, for the scarcer things are, the more they are valued. ~
Benjamin Franklin

~ In a husband there is only a man; in a married woman there is a man, a father, and mother, and a woman. ~
Honore de Balzac

~ A good husband is healthy and absent. ~
Japanese Proverb

~ Husbands never become good; they merely become proficient. ~
H. L. Mencken

~ All that a husband or wife really wants is to be pitied a little, praised a little, and appreciated a little ~
Oliver Goldsmith

~ The only good husbands stay bachelors: They’re too considerate to get married. ~
Finley Peter Dunne

~ An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her. ~
Agatha Christie

~ To catch a husband is an art; to hold him is a job. ~
Simone De Beauvoir

~ When a husband brings his wife flowers for no reason, there’s a reason. ~
Molly McGee

~ At first a woman doesn’t want anything but a husband, but just as soon as she gets one, she wants everything else in the world. ~
Elbert Hubbard

~ After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can not face each other, yet still they stay together. ~
Hemant Joshi

~ Laundry is where clothes are washed. Husbandry is where husbands are washed. ~
Ashok Koparday

Source:
http://www.finestquotes.com/select_quote-category-Husbands-page-0.htm