why-he-postpones-marriage-premarital-anxiety

KEYWORDS:

Fear of failure
Performance Anxiety
Premarital Anxiety
Premarriage Counseling

A large part of Premarital Anxiety is due to –>
Performance Anxiety, which is due to –>
Fear of failure.

HOW WILL YOU KNOW HE HAS PERFORMANCE ANXIETY?

He avoids, or rather keeps postponing his marriage with one pretext or the other. His excuses are unreasonable. His age is above 29. Due to force from parents, because he has no escape he consents to marry. Or else parents give up and stop asking him to marry, though they fervently wish he be married. He goes in his forties. If he meets a good Sex Therapist, Marriage Counselor, he is rescued. He becomes well and does marry. All are happy.

His romance, the love talk after engagement, before marriage with the fiancée is almost nil.

What if I am not able to do sex?
I am afraid I will not be able to satisfy her.
This fear is NOT UNCOMMON in men.

POSTPONE MARRIAGE

Some guys postpone marriage until they run out of excuses. Then they are gripped by fear, a foreboding of disaster on first night that can be extremely traumatic more so because he cannot share his problem with any one. Helpless, miserable person wears mask of ‘It’s all fine,” when he is frozen with fear. Prospect of FIRST SEX, or SUHAGRAT is worst than death. This is the way ‘To Be Married’ guys describe their problem.

PREVIOUS BAD SEXUAL EXPERIENCE

Previous sexual experience (premarital sex) where the erection was not satisfactory causes turmoil.

HER NEGATIVE COMMENTS DURING PREMARITAL SEX

If the female partner commented that you did it quickly or something like that which he perceives as sign of dissatisfaction he is doomed. This strengthens the fear of failure. The cognitive distortion operational is his over generalization from one or two sexual experiences. He does not take into account the fact that he is unaccustomed to doing frequent regular sex. Fortune teller error (= as though knowing that worst is going to happen), jumping to conclusion is another mistake that leads to PERFORMANCE ANXIETY.

The To Be Married guy is shaken up. It’s hell.

QUACKS DESTROY HIS CONFIDENCE ALTOGETHER

Such a person, it could be your friend, or son, invariably visits a doctor. Quacks do the ultimate damage. Quacks suck money, destroy person’s trust in medical profession and leave him dejected as he feels his condition is incurable. (because common person does not know the difference between quack and qualified doctor), fail in giving relief. The quacks put up advertisements every where, no action is taken against them.

GOOD OUTCOME

Intervention by Sex Therapist gives definite successful results.