My Doctor Tells

Mumbai’s #1 Sex Health Clinic

Samadhan Health Studio

Dr. Ashok Koparday
Dr. Hetal Gosalia

Dr. Ashok Koparday | Dr. Hetal Gosalia

The first sex can be tricky, scary, confusing. At the same time, the thought of having first penovaginal sex is very exciting for you and your partner. Both the male and the female energies will be pounding to be one. The dream of every human being of loving, kissing, foreplay, and sex is now about to get accomplished. Hormones of love and excitement have gushed to each and every cell of the body and are awaiting an orgasmic response. But what if things don’t work out well? What if ‘it’ just does not happen? You get blacked out and are now just clueless on what to do and how to do. Don’t worry. We’ve curated this first sex guide, just for you. We have here provided an all-encompassing rundown of first night sex and virginity including an explanation of why understanding virginity is important, how to make the first night sex memorable, and not mar it.

What is First Night Sex?

Obviously, this doesn’t need any explanation. It’s the first time you have sex or the first night after marriage when you have sex. Whichever may be your case, if it’s your first time, you have arrived at the right place, read on.

The room is all set up with fragrant candles and ambient lighting or you may just have crashed into each other. Enjoyed the foreplay and now about to have sex. But, you get too nervous and do not allow your partner to touch the genitals. Cross your legs tight and the man is not able to love and there is no sex further. This ends up with an argument and you ruin your first night.

Women mostly feel that first penetrative sex is painful and it bleeds. This thought prevents them from having sexual intercourse. Many times, even they don’t know why they fear so much. The man is zapped as he loses his full-blown erection on his attempt to insertion in the vagina. Women have heard from their friends and relatives that the first two or three times sex is painful and bleeds a little, then everything will be fine and an intact hymen is a sign of virginity. Nobody said that ‘First Sex is Pleasuresome’. Cause of this belief, many women build up fear and anxiety related to first sex.

Pain during first sex

The first sex turns out to be painful and not pleasuresome, generally because of:

Hymen Tear

The external vaginal opening is partially covered by a delicate thin elastic membrane called the hymen. The hymen is generally considered as the mark of virginity, but the fact lies that it has nothing to do with virginity. There is always a small opening in the hymen through which menstrual blood flows.

Yes, some women do experience burning pain and bleed due to stretching of the hymen and many don’t bleed during their first sex, as the hymen is not so tight and has stretched during regular non-sexual physical activities like jumping, cycling, skipping, etc.. It does not mean she is not a virgin.

After childbirth, the hymen is torn and remnant tags known as ‘carunculae myrtiformes’ remains. This vaginal opening is called ‘parous introitus’ as against ‘nulliparous introitus’.

Dr. Prakash Kothari’s dictum: Virginity v/s Chastity
A virgin was defined as a girl with an intact hymen, which tears during first sex causing bleeding and pain. Now it is known that hymen-tear can happen in a girl due to various reasons such as physical activities, examples being cycling, riding. Chastity is good moral conduct. You are not having sex of any kind. A girl may be a virgin yet she may not be chaste. Meaning she has done all sexual activities except the insertion of the penis in the vagina.

Still the question, ‘Why does hymen tear cause bleeding and pain during first sex?’ might be daunting to which our say is that the hymen is an elastic tissue and may gradually allow the passing of the penis. The hymen does not have nerve endings. So hymen does not have pain sensation. Actually it is vaginismus that causes pain and bleeding.


When the penis is thrust forcefully and the vaginal opening is shut by tightly clenching it leads to pain and bleeding. The vaginal opening is not open like a round hollow space or nostrils. The vagina is a potential space. The walls of the vagina touch each other just as the palms of both hands when brought together as in ‘Namaste’ touch each other. Vaginismus is neither uncommon nor abnormal but yes, it is cent percent preventable. Do consider checking out our guide on vaginismus.

This experience can be avoided if the female or the couple as a whole has the correct knowledge about how and what to do, especially during the first sex or make the first night after marriage and painful first memory of sex can easily be prevented.

Forceful Sex

When sex is non-consensual or forced, then there isn’t pleasure in it. There is no way to make non-consensual sex pleasuresome. Forceful sex leads to post-coital bleeding which is painful. Sex is just a painful memory for the woman.


Do you have a positive and healthy attitude towards sex?

Check for yourself whether you are excited or nervous with the thought of having sex? Are you comfortable seeing naked yourself in the mirror? Or are you feeling anxious and insecure? If yes, it’s okay to feel so. A lot of people grow with the feeling that sex is dirty.

Are you educated about sexual processes?

Before indulging in sex with your partner, see and touch your genitals in your privacy. Understand them, how they work, and how to use them.

Have you masturbated?

Fondling your vagina and vulva will make you confident. So explore for yourself. Do consider checking out our guide on masturbation.

Have you inserted a tampon or finger inside your vagina?

Before performing sex and letting your partners penis in your vagina, insert your own finger or a tampon in secured privacy and understand the fact that something that goes into the vagina can come out easily.

Did you practice Kegel exercises?

Learn and practice Kegel exercises to help you perform better. This helps in building confidence. Do consider reading the blog post by Dr. Ashok Koparday and Dr. Hetal Gosalia on ‘Kegel Exercises’.

And don’t forget to talk with your partner about sex.

Communicate with your partner, openly about your fears if any. Get a little funny and don’t just make it a mechanical process. Let him know what you think about sex and pregnancy.

And lastly

Do incorporate sex joy therapy. You’ll find that in the Treatment block of ‘Vaginismus’


We request you to understand that first sex is not always painful, it is pleasuresome. By now we come to an end of the discussion of ‘First Night Sex’ If you have been facing this and reading this text helped you do fill our voids with your testimonial. For any further questions, feel free to contact Dr. Ashok Koparday and Dr. Hetal Gosalia at Samadhan Health Studio. We will be more than happy to help.