My Doctor Tells

Mumbai’s #1 Sex Health Clinic

Samadhan Health Studio

Dr. Ashok Koparday
Dr. Hetal Gosalia

Dr. Ashok Koparday | Dr. Hetal Gosalia

The young man wrongly labels himself having difficulties in erection without any organic illness when he:

  • is unable to get adequate tightness in the penis to perform intercourse.
  • fails to maintain his erection during foreplay or on change of position.
  • loses erection at the time of insertion in the vagina.
  • loses erection on the attempt of first sex.

BUT has a good erection when alone, while masturbating or watching pornographic movies; where he can be himself.

What is Erectile Dysfunction?

Erectile Dysfunction is sexual dysfunction. In Erectile Dysfunction (ED) a man cannot develop or maintain an erection of the penis during sexual intercourse. We have categorized erectile dysfunction as ‘ED in Youth’ and ‘ED for 40+’. If you are under 40 and self-diagnosing yourself with ED, then you are wrongly doing it. Read on to know about what you feel as Erectile Dysfunction.


1. Self-doubts
Man feels his penis is small and has done a lot of masturbation ‘bachpan ki galti’, so his penis doesn’t get tight enough to have full-blown intercourse.

2. Performance Anxiety
Man is not confident due to lack of knowledge and it may be his first time or has once experienced a loss of erection with his partner.

3. Vaginismus
The woman’s vaginal muscles are tight preventing the insertion of the penis.

4. Demanding / Complaining partner
A man who is sensitive by nature gets disturbed and feels pressured to fulfill the needs of his partner. The man on receiving any negative sentence from the partner like, “Your penis is THIN”, or  “Your penis is SMALL”, or “You don’t satisfy me” drives him down.


1. Avoids marriage
As a young man doesn’t get a hard-on, as he used to get, and is nervous with the thought, “How will I perform sex?”

For the marriage, he says, “NO”, whenever he is asked to get married by the family. His age crosses 29, but he still keeps giving excuses.

2. Sexless Honeymoon
The couple is unable to have sex, as the man loses his erection at the point of insertion of his penis in the vagina.

3. Decreased Libido
Repeated failure in attempts of getting a hard-on makes the man lose interest in sex.
Knowing the wrong diagnosis of erectile dysfunction is important because when these problems are reported by the newlywed man or unmarried man who had a stray chance of sex, the treatment is entirely different.

The good news for these scared guys is that they can have wonderfully satisfying sex even without medicines or injections.

What they require is correct guidance. Also, confidence-tonic and patience is required. Whether the female partner cooperates or reacts with criticism/condemnation makes a big difference in the treatment’s outcome. If her attitude is to blame, accuse, complain, or criticize, the treatment becomes very difficult.

Causes of the Wrong Diagnosis of ED in
unconsummated sex or among the newlywed

1. Performance anxiety
The man has not experienced sex earlier or the man is performing with a new partner, there can be difficulties in having sex. It is a new venture where he is exploring himself with the woman for the first time. Nobody has talked or discussed the problems a man can face. Whatever knowledge a man has is from fictional pornographic movies. Porn stars are never shown with a flaccid penis. Also, the amount and level of erection shown are magnified, which is not reality. Sex appears easy in pornographic movies with just a click of a button which adds to the wrong expectations.

Nobody said, nor pornographic movie shows,

Waxing and waning of erection is normal 

Continue lovemaking on losing an erection

The flaccid penis will again rise.

When it is first time sex, man is excited and anxious too.
Morally, he feels he must perform the act and raise her woman to orgasms giving her complete satisfaction. The lack of correct knowledge and the pressure that he must perform well in first sex / during honeymoon causes difficulty in getting the erection.

Note: Any man who has Erectile Dysfunction will not dare to step into marriage. This sex problem is not anticipated. The man who used to enjoy sex and was looking forward to the real experience gets a big blast on his Man-factor.

2. Vaginismus
Vaginismus is the involuntary contraction of the opening of the vagina, leading to an inability in the insertion of the penis in the vagina and sex cannot be consummated.

A simple way to check vaginismus:
Find if a woman’s or her husband’s finger can glide in the vagina. If it pains, and the finger cannot glide easily the diagnosis of vaginismus is confirmed. If insertion of a finger is not possible or sometimes painful, how can the penis enter?
The fear and pain while attempting insertion of a finger or penis are so clearly addressed by the couple that even a Gynecologic examination is not required. You will also discover that she cannot or will not use a tampon.

It is a vagina in panic, screaming “NO ENTRY”.
Vagina is the passage.

Penis is the passenger.

The penis is a visible organ changing its shape and size during erection which glides in the vagina. The thought that there could be some difficulty in the passage goes unnoticed, as even the closure of vaginal opening is not seen nor felt by the woman. This difficulty in passage typically happens due to vaginismus, which is not known.

What is seen is the loss of erection at the attempt of insertion of the penis in the vagina.

This makes man believe wrongly, ‘He has ED’

Progression of the Wrong Diagnosis of ED in
unconsummated sex or among the newlywed

It takes away the pleasure of sex and puts performance pressure instead. This kind of pressure is not good for getting an erection even for an experienced guy. When the male becomes tense, sex becomes a test, and sex is like appearing for an exam. Difficulty in erection / insertion even once shatters the man. The next time the man is more tense, nervous, and fears to lose his erection. This further increases his difficulty in getting an erection. This vicious cycle dooms him. He may read articles, see videos, and label himself with Erectile Dysfunction. This is what we at Samadhan Health Studio call ‘Wrongly Diagnosed ED’. Soon his sexual desire starts reducing and the penis appears to shrink, as a result, he starts finding faults with his genitals.

More commonly due to his intense peak of excitement the man ejaculates before insertion or at the attempt of insertion. 

The whole vicious cycle described above gives him two wrong diagnoses: ‘Premature Ejaculation’ and ‘Erectile Dysfunction’.

Man’s MIND

A man wrongly believes that he must be able to do sex the first time. Any actual or imagined difficulty in sexual intercourse leads to performance pressure. This unspoken pressure in an inexperienced sensitive man leads to thoughts like; 
“I may lose my erection even before I penetrate”
‘What will my partner think about me if I am not able to do sexual intercourse’,
‘Don’t I have enough manhood?’ 
‘I will surely fall in her eyes if I am not able to do sex on honeymoon or suhagarat.

WoMan’s MIND

A woman is not aware of the enormous performance pressure in the man who appears so macho starts questioning herself.

Similarly, men are not aware of a huge load of fear (of pain and bleeding) girls carry before first sexual intercourse.
Woman feels:
‘Am I not beautiful and sexy?’ 
‘Why is he not loving me?’
‘Why doesn’t my partner touch me as before?’
‘How to get a husband/partner interested in me sexually again?
‘Why is my husband/partner not interested in me sexually?’
‘Is he impotent?’

Depression In Man Who Is Newlywed

You will also discover symptoms of depression in this young man. He does not feel fresh when he wakes up in the morning.

The whole day while at work he has to push himself to it. Before the discovery of his inability to insert, enthusiasm during the whole day used to be high so that he could take up many activities. Now he tends to procrastinate, delegate, and avoid work.

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Treatment for Wrong diagnosis of ED

For the treatment, earlier the couple comes the better it would be. The detailed history of the couple confirms the actual cause of ED. Right knowledge is the key, not the medicines.

So, Psychosexual Therapeutic Counselling of the couple is very important. The couple is explained about vaginismus in women and how to deal with it. Also, Sex Joy Therapy is the key to the consummation of sex. Needful medicine may be prescribed for initial insertion to sustain a good erection, which gradually is withdrawn once a couple can consummate.


Even after months or years of relationship, sex can be unconsummated. Timely help from the sexologists can save the man from labeling himself with ED which wrecks the man’s self-esteem. The thought of having a baby is in the air, leading to infertility treatment.