My Doctor Tells

Mumbai’s #1 Sex Health Clinic

Samadhan Health Studio

Dr. Ashok Koparday
Dr. Hetal Gosalia

Dr. Ashok Koparday | Dr. Hetal Gosalia

The man and woman in love after having all the fun and foreplay indulge in the act of inserting the penis in the vagina. But, something goes wrong and they are unable to have intercourse. Even after repeated attempts, they fail. In the married couple, even years after marriage there is no sexual intercourse between the couple. Unconsummation is a condition in which penetration of the penis in the vagina is not happening and the sex or the marriage is left unconsummated.

  • Are you a couple trying to have intercourse, but just not able to have one?

  • Are you a woman who feels that your husband is impotent?

  • Are you a woman fearing sex?

  • Are you a woman who is not able to feel the penis in the vagina?

  • Are you a man who is not getting hard-on during intercourse?

  • Are you a man losing an erection at the attempt of intercourse?

If you find yourself as one of these persons, then you have arrived at the right place because a sexologist is whom you need; to help you through this. Here we have provided a full-proof guide to consummate the unconsummated sex.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Myths

Masturbation

Men come up with beliefs that

  • ‘I could not consummate because of the weakness that has resulted from excess masturbation, which I began very early in childhood.’
  • Locally it is known as ‘Bachpan ki galti’ or ‘Hath se karne ki buri adat’

This mistaken belief may be reinforced by friends, quacks, non-trustworthy sources of information, and advertisements.

Penis Size

Sometimes, men feel that the size of their penis is small and hence it cannot be inserted in the vagina. Which is not at all true. Whatever may be the size of the penis, it is normal.

Foreskin

The foreskin cannot be pulled back completely, this is also one reason why men feel they are not able to insert their penis in the vagina. As a result, they opt for circumcision which is not at all needed. This neither solves their problem of non-consummation.

Poor Erection

Men feel that he has stopped getting the type of hard-on that he used to get in his college days. Also, some feel that their erection doesn’t last long enough, and so they are not able to consummate.

Early Discharge

The man may believe he has premature ejaculation. Hence he is not able to insert during sex.

Painful Sex

Women suppose that the first sex is painful and bleeds. But, this is not at all true.

CAUSES

Male

No Experience / Bad Experience

If a man has no previous experience of indulging in sexual activity or has had a bad experience of sex in the past then it results in a lack of confidence, due to which the couple cannot consummate.

Performance Anxiety

If a man is nervous, it adds to the pressure of performing sex. It is strongly believed culturally, that ‘A man has manliness, only if he penetrates his penis in the woman’s vagina on the first night itself’.

Wrong Diagnosis of ED

If the man gets a good erection during foreplay or while masturbating but loses his erection on attempting to insert in the vagina then he feels that he has ED which affects his manhood and when repeated attempts fail he avoids attempting sex.

Premature Ejaculation

If a man ejaculates during foreplay or at the attempt of insertion, he thinks he is unable to consummate because of his early ejaculation which makes the penis flaccid and he enters the refractory phase.

Unrealistic Expectations

If a woman is dominating or demanding, or comments on the man’s penis size or recessiveness, then the man feels nervous and this puts him off the sexual desire. Also, false over expectations by the woman as seen in pornographic movies makes the man nervous too.

Female

Fear of Hymen Tear

If a woman has the notion that first sex induces pain and blood oozes out due to hymen tear, then this fear prevents her from indulging in sexual activity and the couple walks towards a sexless love life.

Vaginismus

If the vaginal opening shuts automatically at the time penis touches the vaginal surface for insertion, there is no full-fledged insertion of the penis in the vagina and the sex remains unconsummated. This closing of the vaginal opening doesn’t strike any of the two. Read on ‘Vaginismus’ to know more.

Forceful Sex

When sex is non-consensual or forced, then there is no pleasure in it. And, there is no way to make non-consensual sex pleasuresome. Forceful sex leads to post-coital bleeding which is painful and sex is just a painful memory for the woman. Due to this bad experience, a woman now may avoid sex.

EFFECTS

The newlywed couple is into emotional pressure and it affects their inter-personal relationship too. This delays the pregnancy and in some cases, the un-consummation of sex leads to divorce too.

MAN

The man feels ashamed and crestfallen believing that he failed to have sex. He may avoid sexual activity, with the excuse that he is tired by the end of the day or purposefully work till late at night.
If the man takes so much to his heart then he will not be able to achieve a good erection which was present during foreplay/masturbation, but which wanes just as he is about to attempt insertion. This shame puts him down in self-doubt and depression. He feels that it is better to die than to enter the bedroom. If you feel the same, please check for yourself, your health score on our HEALTH METER.
With every repeated failed attempt he gradually faces the problems of getting a hard-on and also may ejaculate early.

WOMAN

The woman develops mixed feelings about her sexuality. She remains a virgin even after marriage. She loves her partner and wants to have sex but is unable to and this makes her feel guilty. If more time passes women avoid going to social gatherings as everybody asks about pregnancy. In the long run, women succumb to infertility treatments.

TREATMENT

The role of sexologists in the treatment of unconsummated sex is very crucial. We doctors at Samadhan Health Studio, take a detailed history of the couple, and identify the root cause.

Psycho-Sexual Therapeutic Counseling is of utmost importance. Here, the individual doubts and fears are addressed with great delicacy and corrected with the right knowledge. 

To know the treatment in detail

  1. Wrong Diagnosis of ED’ – It is the condition in which the young man wrongly diagnoses himself with ED as he is unable to consummate. The man gets a good erection while masturbating or during foreplay but loses erection at the attempt of insertion. This is visible to both the man and the woman. So, they conclude it as ED which is actually not true.
     
  2. Vaginismus’ – is the condition in which spasm of the vaginal muscles prevents the entry of the penis in the vagina. This also contributes to unconsummated sex.

We also advise the couple to imbibe Sex Joy Therapy in their life which ultimately helps them to consummate their sex and have a baby.

PROGNOSIS

The couple is unable to figure out why sex is not happening between them. There is love and friendship, and they grow good in their individual careers becoming work alcoholics, thus silently avoiding bedroom life. The time comes when the family starts asking about pregnancy, their antennae are up.

The man feeling has ED, is so guilt-ridden and avoids taking help as it is humiliating to visit a sexologist. His wife coaxes him repeatedly for days, months, years, and he promises to go to the doctor but keeps postponing. 

Women may avoid going to gynecologists with the fear of per vaginal examination. 

If this condition is left unattended, you wanting a baby will be led by a gynecologist for the treatments of infertility. Let’s agree upon one fact that,

Infertility treatments are for those who are not fertile,
Not for those who cannot consummate.